Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Feel free to move about your life worshipping me as a Goddess.

I love email. It's the best thing since pigeons for getting to know new people and for shamelessly coaxing them into telling you they love you.

And I do so love to be loved.

Every few days I am lucky enough to get a really nice email from a really nice person...who is probably in all reality an inmate of some sort in an institution of some sort. I'm always amazed that total strangers would take time out of their busy lives to write me and say nice stuff, but I eat it up like the chocolate frosting I snarf under the table when an editor rejects me.

I'm sick like that.

I love the "Dear Sher" questions, but the "you are funny" emails really put the giddy-up in my gallop. (A big shout out there for my Grandpa...who is dead and therefore may not find that funny.)

Here are excerpts from the niceness, which I will of course repay with sarcasm.

Dear Sher,
You are an amazingly funny and talented writer! Ummm, perhaps I
should clarify that...funny as in "Ha Ha!" not strange, mind you. I
tripped across your Blog and web page and am still up to my pecker
(that would mean MY NOSE to you Midwesterners) in reading your stuff.
Signed,
Tim; Peripheral Visionary & Master of the Obvious


Dear Pecker Nose,
Thank you so much for your kind and sort of pseudo sexual email. Normally when I receive email, I don't publish the name of the person who did the writing. In your case, I couldn't help myself. Anyone that has a signature like that deserves to have people see it. It sounds like a really bad off-the-strip Vegas magician. I love it! Let's get married so I can be Mrs. Peripheral Visionary & Master of the Obvious.


Dear Sher,
Funny, Smart & Attractive: Well, will flattery get my e-mail opened? Okay, then let me add talented writer with excellent spelling skills and paragraph usage....
I think you have talent. And not to toot my horn, but I predicted "Fantasia" from the very beginning. So, you see, I have an eye and an ear....
For "SMIDGENS!" of my writing and photographs take a look: www.sandraewebber.com

Dear Person who understands me,
Thank you for taking the time to notice my incredible use of the paragraph. I've always dreamed of the day when someone would say to me, "You have excellent paragraph usage". Of course, I was hoping it would be said by a firefighter and more screamed than said really...but this is cool, too.

It's great you predicted Fantasia from the beginning. I didn't really get it, though. Too much music and not enough Mickey and Donald driving cartoon cars.

And in closing, I love that you are a fan of the ...
I love the dot, dot, dot, too and I try to overuse it as much as I can....


Dear Sher,
I love your writing. You're funny! Do you write anything other than humor?

Dear Sher Lover,
Yes I do, but it will make you either want to commit suicide or kill a man. That's why I try to never let anyone else read it. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. (Although I am in review with Blue Mountain cards at the moment. Apparently they enjoy the odd suicide-inducing Happy Birthday greeting.)


Dear Sher,
Is your little man too small? Click here.

Dear Person who somehow found out about the tiny man I keep in the closet,
Yes, he is small but I happen to like him that way. I don't go through nearly as much Little Man Chow as I do when feeding a big man and when I take him out to run errands with me, he fits nicely in my patented Little Man Carrying Case.

Thank you for your concern.


Dear Sher,
Great story! It was a very well written and amusing piece.

Dear Mr. Vague,
Of what?



Copyright © 2004, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.

Tell me you love me at: HumorWriter@gmail.com

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2 comments:

Cyndi said...

LOL The "little man" was classic!!

Sher said...

If you don't have one, you should order one at Amazon. They're half price.

And BTW...I have done nothing with the packet. Too terrified to move.

Sher