Saturday, May 21, 2005

Top ten things I refuse to do today.

10. I refuse to use the word trifecta in any conversation, no matter how cool it sounds.

9. I refuse to bend at the waist any more than absolutely necessary.

8. I refuse to loudly proclaim to anyone in ear shot that my sugar-free popsicles taste just as good as the Ben & Jerry's my son gets to eat.

7. I refuse to help old ladies across the street, although I might help them across an ice-skating rink if the need should arise. It all depends on the old lady and how big a hurry I am in.

6. I refuse to be nice to people I don't like.

5. I refuse to say I'm sorry for something I'm not only NOT sorry for, but am pretty proud of myself for actually doing.

4. I refuse to let anyone tell me I should cut down on the references to monkeys, fire batons and river dancing in my writing. Being true to myself is what it's all about and if I happen to like writing about monkeys, fire batons and river dancing to the point that it causes the heads of my readers to simultaneously explode, I can live with that.

3. I refuse to eat beets, even if a stranger offers me a dollar to eat one.

2. I refuse to look at myself in the mirror while wearing my new glasses because I thought I looked pretty good until I got them. I am content to continue to suffer under the delusion that my pores are not small canyons.

1. I refuse to let anyone get away with calling me "Honey", "Dear" or "Sugar Britches". I will however allow the terms, "Goddess", "Beautiful" or "Woman who makes me want to be a better person". "Sweetheart" may be allowed in special cirsumstances, but only when said by an insanely handsome man and even then, only when his level of handsomeness has been pre-approved by yours truly.

Copyright © 2004-2005, Sherri Bailey
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