Monday, August 15, 2005

It's all about you, isn't it?

I'm busy. Busy, busy, busy. So busy in fact that I don't have time to sit down and write something funny and clever and completely narcissistic just to please you.... and we both know it would please you.

No matter how much you want me to write something that is mildly amusing so that you can escape from your mundane life for a few minutes, I'm telling you I absolutely do not have the time. No time do I have. None.

Why, you ask? That's so like you. Has anyone ever told you that curiosity killed the cat? Well, if it's any of your business, I have no time because I am spending every spare minute I have writing copy for a company who wants people to want what they have to give. I am marginally good at spinning people, places and things so that they look irresistible. Currently my spinning wheel is in full throttle, baby. I am spinning like no other.

Which is why I have no time to write silliness for you. Business first. That's my motto. Well actually, my motto is "Marry first, ask questions later", but I think a girl can have more than one motto.

Motto. Motto. Motto. Doesn't that sound like a good nickname for a mobster? Motto would probably hang out with Fingers and Baby Face and Jimmy the Tulip.

Did you see that movie? You know, the one with Bruce Willis and that one guy from Friends? Bruce played Jimmy the Tulip and he ran away with some female mobster who was WAY too young for him and they killed happily ever after.

I don't really like tulips actually, 'cause I'm not a flowery kind of girl. I much prefer more original gifts. Gifts that require a man to think about who I am and what matters to me. Like maybe a stuffed monkey that dances when you squeeze his paw. Or an iTunes gift certificate so I can feed my habit by downloading "Sunday Kind of Love" by Renee Olstead and "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble.

Wait a minute! I see what you're doing. You are so trying to trick me into writing something frivolous and silly. Nice one, but I'm not that gullible. Speaking of gullible, remember the book Gulliver's Travels by Jonathon Swift? I remember that the little people were on Lilliput, right? What about the giant people? Where were they? I so cannot remember.

Great. Now that will drive me crazy. Thank you. Thanks for that, really. See what your selfishness has accomplished. Now I won't be able to write anything at all until I re-read Gulliver's Travels. I hope you're happy!


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