You so have to click this to understand what I'm about to say.
I love him.
I love him so sick and so weird that I would gladly pay a mad scientist the sum of a trillion-bo-jillian dollars to inject me with a radioactive and undoubtedly carcinogenic substance to ensure that I am sufficiently pickled and will live to be 110... but never look a day over 30 so that he will love me always.
I love him in such an unhealthy and potentially criminal way that I would seek out a crazy old voodoo woman who lives in a haunted cemetery in what's left of the Big Easy and beg her to chop off the head of a one-eyed rooster with which she would prepare for me a noxious tea so that I might cast a spell on him and he'd follow me around like a whooped puppy forever and ever.
I love him so awful that I would climb to the top of the Empire State Building, from the outside no less, with only one good arm and a cast on both my legs while swatting an angry swarm of Africanized Killer Bees if even the most remote possibility existed that he were waiting at the top and would perhaps allow me to touch the hem of his microphone.
I love this man in such a Mary Kay Letourneau kind of way that if left alone too long some night, I might actually get stinking drunk on an old bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine I won on eBay and Google the phrase "cheap singer-napper for hire", choose the least expensive one and ask him to nap my pretty boy and deliver him to me at my home... where I would keep him in Mr. Man's garage forever...safe from females his own age who cannot possibly appreciate his fabulousness. I also might occasionally force him to sing Frank Sinatra songs to me like he meant it in order to earn food and water.
All I'm saying is that I love him.
Copyright © 2004-2006, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Tell me you love me at: HumorWriter@gmail.com
Tell me you hate me at: Yeah. I'm so sure I'm going to make that easy for you.
Visit Ms. Crazy On Her Face Online