Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Sweeeet.

Yesterday I complained about my stress level. Today I'm concentrating on stuff people have sent me via email that for a variety of reasons, make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. After all, you know what they say.

"Warm and fuzzy on the inside....."

Umm, maybe they don't say anything. They should say something though 'cause that's a great opening line. Totally their loss.

Here we go now. Random stuff in my email that made me smile. (Or throw up a little in my mouth.)

10. "Dear Sher...You may be surprised to receive this letter since you don't know me personally. I am the widow of Umbobwee Zimboztra and you're our next contestant on "Nigerian Millionaire!"

(Can I spend Nigerian dollars at Wal-mart? If so, how many does it take to buy gum?)

9. "Dear Sher, I was reading your blog and came across the name "*** Cabaniss. I work with *** now in Birmingham, Alabama. If you would like to contact him, his e-mail is ***@gary***.org. He is still playing the trumpet. Hope this info is useful!"

(Indeed it was useful, kids. Here's a helpful hint from Heloise on blogging about boyfriends past who were and apparently remain trumpet blowers: never use their real name because here in Bizarro Cyber World, what you write will show up #1 in a Google search for him. Oh, and as he is a minister of music at a large southern church, you risk a heavy rain of locusts.)

8. "Dear Sher, ....Also, did you ever watch Petticoat Junction? All three pretty girls would come out of the shower and then the dog would follow. What gives there? And Uncle Joe, guess you know why that pervert was moving kind of slow, lol.."

(I can honestly say in my entire long-legged life, no one has ever before asked me whether or not I thought Uncle Joe may have been some sort of perverted sex fiend and/or implied the goings on at Petticoat Junction were less than honorable.)


7. "Dear Sher....Yes, I do love you."

(And why wouldn't you? You don't know me.)


6. "Dear Sher....Dies macht SpaƃŸ. Wir macht shoud diesen jeden Tag. Es ist wie ein geheimer Code, nicht wahr?"

(Ja.)

5. "Dear Sher... Sir Snot-trotter Tinklefeet"

(Priscilla would never name a monkey that. Duh.)

4. "Dear Sher.... Aha! You really do have a SadieMonkey email."

(Never doubt the word of the Sher when it comes to anything involving a monkey. Or a Sadie.)

3. "Dear Sher... this is a recipe exchange chain email."

(Something bad is going to happen to the evil red-headed Berta Lou now all because I failed to send a recipe to the next person on the list. As I hate chain emails, the bad thing will probably be something I intentionally do to her.)

2. "Dear Sher...How do you spell linoleum?"

(I don't even know what to say to that. How do you spell carpet?)


1. There is no Number 1, people. There was no fabulous warm and fuzzy email to take the spot of Number 1 and you have no one to blame but yourselves! HumorWriter@gmail.com What a bitter end to such a sweeet post.

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4 comments:

Tidewaterbound said...

You just crack me UP!

Thank you for the smiles I needed today.

Sher said...

Thanks for reading. :)

Comfort Addict said...

You are so funny. These days, it's my memory that's fuzzy but, at least, I'm warm.

Sher said...

Thanks CA. You're so funny, too! (And warm, apparently!)