Saturday, July 08, 2006

Shhh. I'm talking.

At least several times a day I am asked for my opinion about something. Whether it's how much a house is worth, or what my take is on this whole North Korea fiasco, or how satisfied I am with my current phone service, people want to know what I'm thinking.

Who can blame them? I'm a writer with literally tens of people who read what I write. Is it any wonder my opinion is highly sought after?

Before I go off to do all the things an opinionated person does on a Saturday, I thought I'd freely share some of my opinions and deep thoughts with my new favorite reader ~ Drew.

"Hey Sher, I love your humor and look forward to your next list. Don"t wipe the crazy off your pretty face, its great!--- Drew"

The rest of you can read them, too.

10. Underwood Deviled Ham is good stuff and anyone that thinks otherwise does not love America and should have their civil rights trampled upon under the umbrella of the Patriot Act.

9. The Beta Fish cartel is one of the wealthiest criminal organizations in the world as Beta Fish can live no longer than 3 to 7 hours... just long enough to cause a small child to name them and become emotionally attached to them so that parent's keep buying replacement models.

8. Bill Gates is hot.

7. It's Always Sunny in Philadelpia is the funniest thing on TV right now. The only way it could be better is if they could somehow work Stewie in the gang.

6. Tom Cruise is the anti-christ and Katie Holmes a succubus.

5. I would rather eat a stew made of Mr. Man's old socks and broken glass than to listen to anyone with the last name Simpson, Hilton or Spears do, sing or say anything.

4. Michael Buble is the most perfect voice ever... to include the Chairman of the Board. If you don't agree with me, the same punishment should befall you as those who do not love meat in a can.

3. This question should be on the SAT's: Pie is to cake what Michael Buble is to Ashley Simpson.

2. The domestic monkey market is not nearly what it should be. Everyone should own at least one monkey. Perhaps a public awareness campaign of the benefits of monkey ownership is in order.

1. I should be a multimillionaire writer who frequently hangs out with the Oprah & the Dali Lama, not giving my milk away here for free.

Unattractive? Sure. Great song, anyway? Oh yeah.


Copyright © 2004-2006, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Tell me you love me at: HumorWriter@gmail.com

Tell me you hate me at: Yeah. I'm so sure I'm going to make that easy for you.

Add to My Yahoo!

Visit Ms. Crazy On Her Face Online

4 comments:

Tidewaterbound said...

...Perfect!

Sher said...

I honestly expected you, Tidewaterbound, to tell me I am fearless... or fabulous... or whatever it was I beat the dead horse about after receiving your email.

;-)

(Thanks for letting me be me with your kind email and not threatening to sue me for all my potted meat and Michael Buble CD's.)

Tidewaterbound said...

You simply bring the wonderful bright spots to my days--saying things I wish I could dare to.

Hugs to ya,

Carol

Sher said...

You strike me as the kind of person that needs a gun. Perhaps a boobie gun, like the one I have my eye on. I believe they are manufactured by the same people that make the penis gun and giant anvils... The Acme Corporation.