I am feeling so unfunny, I should invent a new word for it. Ever since they sawed my thyroid out for fun and profit, I can't stop crying and eating cereal out of the box. As a result my eyes are forever puffy and I've gained ten cereal pounds.
I decided that since I am pretty much incapable of any behavior that could even be half way construed as productive, I would take this opportunity to read some stuff I've written in the past... stuff people email me about and tell me they peed their pants when they read it. I guess I'm sort of gonna see if I can laugh at myself and in so doing, maybe feel a little less like sitting in my garage with the engine running. (With the garage door open, of course. Don't want to take a dirt nap.)
You can read them too if you want. If you don't, don't tell me. I'm out of Chex.
Husband number XIVXII, come on down! People seem to be fascinated with Middle Aged Crazy Guy.
Dick Clark ain't gonna get me this time. As I am too depressed to make resolutions this year, I'll try these again.
Sophisticated people almost never pee in mayonnaise jars. I get a lot of requests to reprint this one, which I never allow unless accompanied by cash. Or flattery.
Cause I Said So I've written lots of "Cause I Said So's" 'cause I get a fair amount of email from people who don't mind that I make terrible fun of them. Gotta love people like that.
Are you people like that? Send me an email so I can make fun of you. If you've written me in the last couple months, don't worry just because I haven't humiliated you online. As soon as I'm done feeling sorry for myself, I'll poke fun at ya.
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