Monday, January 15, 2007

Wow. That was quick. (If I had a nickel for every time I've said that.)

Disclaimer: Since Blogger unleashed its brand spanking new Blogger land, I can't seem to make things work like they are supposed to. One minute my font is normal, just like me, and the next it can only be seen with a giant microscope, just like my breasts. Sorry kids.

Dear Sher,

You poor thing! I'm so sorry you have to have surgery again. You'll be ok though. I know someone who had gallbladder surgery and they're fine. They can't eat certain foods though is all.

Dear Caring Nurturer,

I was fine until you went and told me there are going to be foods I won't be able to eat. Now I'm sitting here in a pool of my own tears eating my weight in brownies and potted meat. Nice one.

Dear Sher,
...its not that bad really. I just watch what I eat and...

Dear Satan,

I would have rather heard it is the norm for a surgeon to mistake a patient's eye for a gallbladder than to hear I will have to watch what I eat. You're mean. You are simply a mean, mean person.

Dear Sher,

It is obviously payback for a silly string incident that occurred approximately six years ago. See what happens when you viciously attack an innocent man's equipment (and I am talking about the car).

Dear Giant Law Enforcement Officer,

First of all, it can't have been six years because that would mean I am six years older, and as you can see by my fuzzy out of focus and outdated black and white picture, I am not.

Second, I don't know nothing about no silly string.

And finally, if I did know something about silly string and an innocent man's equipment... although it has been established beyond any reasonable doubt that I do not.... I'm sure the alleged victim did something to deserve it. Like, I don't know... maybe stealing someone's very own personal brownie and taking it for a ride in a patrol car or helping another donut eater to post pictures of said someone in the men's bathroom.

Oh and PS: the appropriate get well message from a friend to another friend does not begin with: "why you are being punished". Consider us broken up.

(OK. We're back together. You know I can't hold a grudge.)

Dear Sher,
...You are so funny. I'll bet you'll find something funny in even this.

Dear Henry,

What do you mean funny? Funny like I'm a clown? Am I a clown to you? Do I amuse you? Do I make you laugh? (I totally sounded like Joe Pesci right there didn't I? You had to look over your shoulder just to make sure he wasn't standing right behind you, didn't you? I should have a one woman show in Vegas.)

By the way, how much do I love Ray Liotta. I would totally have his little mobster babies.


Your mind expanding OCD Chick music clip for the day:
My next four husbands.... after Michael Buble and I get a divorce. (Click on Windows Media Player or Real Player to see 'em.

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