Please print this as it may be used as evidence in the investigation of my disappearance.
Today my ex-wife-in-law and I are going to the Big City to peruse insanely expensive tanning beds for the crazy exciting new business venture we're working on.
Sounds pretty normal and not at all scary, right?
Yeah. You're wrong.
So she found this guy online who says he can hook us up with said insanely expensive beds for a little less than insane. "Where's your warehouse?" she asked.
"Ummm, I can tell you where it is, but I don't know the actual address," said the man whose last name is Jones or Smith or some other cheap hotel last name.
So we're off momentarily to meet up with this shady character who I'm guessing will have forgotten his keys and need a bolt cutter to gain entry into his business. She and I will either be raped and pillaged or wind up on COPS after helping him break and enter.
Light a candle for me (preferably one that smells like a cookie) and send us good non-raping vibes. If you haven't heard from me by 0600 hours tomorrow morning, please get together and hold a vigil. But don't use the picture on this blog when you're talking to Matt Lauer! And don't use my driver's license picture either!
Just go ahead and use this one.
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