Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Ten Things I Know My Husband Doesn’t

1. Our dryer has a lint filter.

2. As we are a working class people, we do not own a self-cleaning toilet. Although I have spent countless hours on eBay searching for the toilet cleaning fairies that non-women are certain exist, I have not been successful.

3. Similarly, if there is a magic toilet paper dispenser that refills itself without any assistance from human hands, our family has yet to purchase such a wonder.

4. "Hey Baby, I just took a shower" is not foreplay.

5. Neither are the words, "I can't sleep," or "There is nothing on TV".

6. In many civilized societies, when one person in a relationship has worked all day, shuffled one child or several here, there & yonder and yet has still found the time to prepare a meal, the other person offers to do the dishes. The absence of a properly typed and notarized request is not license to say, "I didn't know you wanted me to do them".

7. What happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.

8. Mastercard is not French for, "Unlimited money forever".

9. Unless Paris Hilton is spotted at a trendy New York nightclub wearing them, laundry detergent, shampoo and paper towels are not luxury items on which women enjoy spending money every chance they get.

10. Barring some recent and grossly under publicized breakthrough in the world of human anatomy, men do not use tampons. The check out girl at Wal-Mart knows they are not for you. Shut up and just do it already.




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3 comments:

Flutterby said...

2, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 9. Enough said. Oh and there should be number 11: Turning off the TV to go to SLEEP is not an invitation to grab and grope.

Jami said...

11. When the seat is down, that is NOT an invitation to improve your targeting skills by utilizing a smaller aiming point. Put the seat up and then when you're done, put it back the way you found it!

12. In conjunction with #11, NO MAN aims as well as he thinks he does.

Sher said...

I wonder how long we could actually make this list?