Friday, April 24, 2009

Happy Birthday Dear Sher-Er

So here it is and here I am. I'm forty-five years old. Holy hell.

Where did my life go when I wasn't looking? I really need to stop drinking my breakfast 'cause I would swear that just yesterday I was 21 and wearing pleather.

Constantly drunk or not, you can't be on this side of the dirt for forty-five years and not learn at least a couple things. Because it's my birthday and I'm in a good mood, I'll share these valuable life lessons with you. Please send cash 'cause I don't share for free.

I have learned that although some people might see me as a failure at marriage, I am in fact wildly successful. The proof is in the pudding: I get married all the time ergo I have a tremendous passion for matrimony and am at least good enough at it to be invited to do it again and again.

I have learned that I am a procrastinator. I'll tell you more about that later.

I have learned that my friends are my family. Truly. They bring such joy to my life each in their own way. Some are funny; some are fabulous sparring partners; some are solid rocks on which I can always depend. No matter what amazing presence they bring to the table, all are so far beyond anything I deserve.

I have learned that I cannot speak a foreign language no matter how heavily I pour on the fake accent.

I have learned that my uterus is like Harry Potter as it has magical powers. It produced the most perfect girl and the most perfect boy in the big, wide world. I no longer have use for it but I will happily lease it out to the highest bidder. It's only been used twice and comes with a gold Timex my gynecologist lost in there in 2005.

I have learned it is kinder not to waste my time and yours pretending I like you if I don't. You should be out trying to find someone who can tolerate you for more than ten seconds, not having me blow smoke up your...nose.

I have learned I have an infinite capacity for love. I feel it, say it and show it many, many times a day. The more I love, the more I want to love.

I have learned that I don't want to be the smartest person in the room. I enjoy people who teach me.

I have learned to love husbands so much I would happily move to North Dakota if their legislature would pass a pro-polygamy law. The law of course would state that women can have as many husbands as they want at one time. Can you imagine the time I would save?

And finally, I have learned that I am happy. There are periods of time that are happier than others and there are moments in time that feel like the exact opposite of happy. But, at the end of the day when my joy and heartache are weighed and measured, joy wins out by far. Life is not nearly a long enough journey to expect or settle for anything less.

As a birthday present to me Dear Reader, please do something wonderfully and completely out of character for you today. Be silly, take a risk, be shameless. Just be happy - and know that the OCD Chick loves you!u

Seriously - send money now. There are sparkly shoes that need to be purchased.

(A present to you and me... "Lost", my favorite.)

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Cher said...

I raise my morning margarita glass to you and wish you a, wait, I mean happy birthday. These morning margaritas get to ya fast!

Seriously, happy birthday!

The Texas Woman

Sher said...

You are a doll, Lady With The Perfect Name. Thank you!

TSG said...

Happy Birthday Sher,
Have a happy day!
I hope the car I got you for your birthday a few years ago is still OK.
I'll have your presents when we meet under the giant toad in about a week.

You will be there this year, right?

I'll be waiting as always.


Sher said...

Of course it'll be fine TSG AND of course I'll meet you at TSD.

Thanks Honey.

kjax said...

Happy Birthday Sher!

Sher said...

Thanks Kjax!

Smythe Livingston said...


I'd get you a present but they won't let me out, and I couldn't wrap it because I'm not allowed to have anything sharp!

I did leave a bdy post for you on my blog.

Enjoy your special day!


Bunny Bunster said...

I'm exactly one week older than you!!

Sher said...

Aw Smythe - you sorry old scum sucker you. I do love the bad boys.

Bunny - I'm always thrilled to hear someone is older than me even if it's only 4 minutes. Thank you!

Flutterby said...

Then you are gonna be so happy to know how old I am that you're probably gonna wet yourself. (48.. and it bites rocks.) I am off to do my birthday post. But it's gonna be a whiney bitchy one. Because I am old. And that's what old ladies do.

TSG said...

In accordance with your instructions I purchased another classic motorcycle (you remember when I sold mine). I feel good.
I hope you still have you do-rags and sleeveless shirts. I do.

Sher said...

Flutter - thanks for letting me know what old ladies do. I was worried I wouldn't know. Happy Birthday to you too Honey.

TSG - I'm soooo excited for you sweetheart! That's awesome. How bout emailing me some pics???

Jami said...

In honor of your birthday, I ran through the house with pointy scissors! AND I picked my nose and fed the boogers to the cat! That's TWO things that I NEVER do! Just because you asked me to.

Oh, and I posted in my blog for the first time in a month. So, while that's not something I never do, it IS something I haven't done in a while.


Sher said...

Jami!!! I've missed you sister!