Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Showing posts with label Helpful Sher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Helpful Sher. Show all posts
Saturday, August 08, 2009
What Men Want - Really? Really.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sher vs. The Law of Attraction
You can also find me at Erma Does Not Live Here. She don't - but I do.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Dear Sher - Saving one dumb ass Governor at a time
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
My Air Conditioner is All Squishy.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
I'm a Therapist. Shut Up.
Download Google Talk and talk to Sher!
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Breakfast is the Most Important Meal of the Day, Rick Griffin.
www.ErmaDoesNotLiveHere.com - She don't, but Sher do.
If you would like to join the Rick Griffin fan club, follow him on Twitter and in your very first Tweet, type "I'm proud to be a @RickGriffin fan club member!"
This just in! A Google search pops up a DIFFERENT Rick Griffin! How can there be more than one? Odd. Here's the link to the real Rick Griffin and MidLife Road Trip - but seriously, Twitter him. It'll look good on a resume.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
If you would like to join the Rick Griffin fan club, follow him on Twitter and in your very first Tweet, type "I'm proud to be a @RickGriffin fan club member!"
This just in! A Google search pops up a DIFFERENT Rick Griffin! How can there be more than one? Odd. Here's the link to the real Rick Griffin and MidLife Road Trip - but seriously, Twitter him. It'll look good on a resume.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tom Selleck is a Sher Hater.
www.ErmaDoesNotLiveHere.com - She don't, but Sher do.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Friday, May 29, 2009
How to Get a Divorce - Men, Wake Your Little One
Today's installment of How to Get a Divorce is brought to you by www.ErmaDoesNotLiveHere.com. Go there. Or else.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
That was some kinda scare
As you know, I asked some of my boy toys to answer a few innocent questions for me so that I might do important work by studying their answers. I've always seen myself as somewhat of a social scientist. Of course I've also always seen myself as twenty-one and gorgeous.
Thus the saying, "sometimes you can't believe your own eyes."
So as I was kicked back in the recliner enjoying a fabulous dinner of Viactiv and Diet Dr. Pepper, I began reading through the answers that have been returned to me.
Holy testosterone y'all. I'm so in love with this, I can't even tell you.
Although all the data is not in yet because some of them are oddly fearful of what I am going to do with their info (and their manlies), I have to tell you that some of the stuff I'm reading has made me laugh so hysterically, the Yorkies went and stood by the back door so they could go outside where women don't laugh like longshoremen.
I don't even know what that means but in my head, longshoremen laugh very loudly. I suspect it has something to do with their proximity to the shore. And that they're long and all.
I'm reaching now.
Some of it is funny intentionally. Some of it is funny because it is so beyond insane to me how men think. But some of it is even funnier still because the writer has no idea how hysterical it is.
My favorite quote so far? "I showered for two hours just to get the scare off me".
I love men. When I'm rich I'm gonna own tons of them.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Consider this a public service because the OCD Chick cares.
I overheard something the other day that let me know there are still a lot of women floating around out there who do not understand the “Sex Rules”. Granted the large majority of them are under thirty, but it remains a problem among some older women as well.
To simplify this for you, following is a contract containing the Sex Rules that I suggest you print and carry in your purse next to your single girl condoms. When presented with an opportunity to do the do, protect yourself and your partner by getting both his signature and yours before you even consider getting into his 1983 van.
As a savvy and intelligent woman, I understand and acknowledge the following to be true:
1. No matter how sincere your eyes are or how often you repeat it, I understand that I do not look just like Jessica Biel.
2. I realize that in order for you to do your best work, you must believe that you are the best I’ve ever had and in fact so good that I’ll never be able to look at any other man the same way. Not a problem.
3. If at any time you cry or even look like you’re going to, I recognize that it does not mean you have had an emotional break through because of your deep and story book feelings for me. I’m guessing it has something to do with your Mom catching you with a copy of Playboy when you were 14 or the time that one night stand you picked up at Buddy’s Bar pointed, laughed and left.
4. If you want to see me again, please ask me three days from now as I realize you are about to speak a language even you don’t understand and over which you have no reasonable control. Anything you say during our brief and intimate time together will not be held against you or mentioned again. Toward that end, I further understand any marriage proposal that comes out of your mouth, no matter how vehemently you swear you really do mean it, does not mean I can immediately call my sisters and plan a trip to the Tulle & Bead Warehouse.
5. I have been fully educated on “Male Short Term Memory Loss” and its causes and effects. Therefore when you don’t call, I get that it’s because you can’t remember my number or in the most severe cases of MSTML, my name.
As a horny and or drunk male whose brain is currently swimming in testosterone, you understand and acknowledge the following to be true:
1. During the next five to seven minutes, I may make any combination of the following absolutely true statements:
a. You are the best I’ve ever had.
b. I’ve never seen anything like that before.
c. Sweet Jesus!
2. I realize you have been taught that my on button will be immediately tripped if you tell me your current/past girlfriend/wife does not understand you. In an effort to expedite this process let’s say I believe you, but please know that I’m quite certain I don’t understand you either. That does not diminish the reality however that you are the best I’ve ever had and I’ve never seen anything like that before.
3. Although I usually appreciate more than 35 seconds of foreplay, that rule doesn’t apply to you as simply looking at you is all the foreplay I need. Sweet Jesus!
4. You look exactly like a cross between Orlando Bloom and Leonardo Decaprio.
5. I do not love you, but I do love football.
6. Please call me four minutes after I leave here. If someone answers and says you have the wrong number it’s just my crazy room mate. Just keep calling until you wear her down.
______________________________
Woman signature and date
______________________________
Male signature and date
______________________________
Notary or bartender stamp
Copyright © 2004-2007, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Tell me you love me at: HumorWriter@gmail.com
Tell me you hate me at: Yeah. I'm so sure I'm going to make that easy for you.
Blogroll Me!
To simplify this for you, following is a contract containing the Sex Rules that I suggest you print and carry in your purse next to your single girl condoms. When presented with an opportunity to do the do, protect yourself and your partner by getting both his signature and yours before you even consider getting into his 1983 van.
As a savvy and intelligent woman, I understand and acknowledge the following to be true:
1. No matter how sincere your eyes are or how often you repeat it, I understand that I do not look just like Jessica Biel.
2. I realize that in order for you to do your best work, you must believe that you are the best I’ve ever had and in fact so good that I’ll never be able to look at any other man the same way. Not a problem.
3. If at any time you cry or even look like you’re going to, I recognize that it does not mean you have had an emotional break through because of your deep and story book feelings for me. I’m guessing it has something to do with your Mom catching you with a copy of Playboy when you were 14 or the time that one night stand you picked up at Buddy’s Bar pointed, laughed and left.
4. If you want to see me again, please ask me three days from now as I realize you are about to speak a language even you don’t understand and over which you have no reasonable control. Anything you say during our brief and intimate time together will not be held against you or mentioned again. Toward that end, I further understand any marriage proposal that comes out of your mouth, no matter how vehemently you swear you really do mean it, does not mean I can immediately call my sisters and plan a trip to the Tulle & Bead Warehouse.
5. I have been fully educated on “Male Short Term Memory Loss” and its causes and effects. Therefore when you don’t call, I get that it’s because you can’t remember my number or in the most severe cases of MSTML, my name.
As a horny and or drunk male whose brain is currently swimming in testosterone, you understand and acknowledge the following to be true:
1. During the next five to seven minutes, I may make any combination of the following absolutely true statements:
a. You are the best I’ve ever had.
b. I’ve never seen anything like that before.
c. Sweet Jesus!
2. I realize you have been taught that my on button will be immediately tripped if you tell me your current/past girlfriend/wife does not understand you. In an effort to expedite this process let’s say I believe you, but please know that I’m quite certain I don’t understand you either. That does not diminish the reality however that you are the best I’ve ever had and I’ve never seen anything like that before.
3. Although I usually appreciate more than 35 seconds of foreplay, that rule doesn’t apply to you as simply looking at you is all the foreplay I need. Sweet Jesus!
4. You look exactly like a cross between Orlando Bloom and Leonardo Decaprio.
5. I do not love you, but I do love football.
6. Please call me four minutes after I leave here. If someone answers and says you have the wrong number it’s just my crazy room mate. Just keep calling until you wear her down.
______________________________
Woman signature and date
______________________________
Male signature and date
______________________________
Notary or bartender stamp
Copyright © 2004-2007, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Tell me you love me at: HumorWriter@gmail.com
Tell me you hate me at: Yeah. I'm so sure I'm going to make that easy for you.
Blogroll Me!
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