Thursday, May 12, 2005

I have humor envy.

I am supposed to be working. And I really and truly was up until about two minutes ago. I needed a break from being the working me, chained to my computer like it's a bad husband who will beat me if I try to leave.

On days like today when I am simply overwhelmed with the monotony of my life, I visit Pickle Loaf Bologna File.

Whether I have a serious deficiency in my brain or this guy is the funniest human being alive, I don't know. All I know is he can make me laugh like a mad woman in no more than two or three sentences.

I hate him because I wish I were that clever and funny and brilliant.

I love him because so few people can make me shoot Diet Pepsi out my nose.

Some of my favorite Pickle Loaf Bologna lines?
"I bet in the asexual plant community their novelty pens turn upside down to slowly reveal naked pictures of themselves."

Or maybe it's this one, "It would really be unfortunate if you vomited in a spaceship. Because there it would be, floating around the whole trip, making people feel uncomfortable."

Or, this one, "I would like to go downtown and set up a stand with a sign that reads, “Free cookies for the illiterate.”

Then when someone came up, I would point to a smaller sign that said: “We are not in the business of providing cookies to liars.”

See what I mean?

Read his stuff. If you don't think it's funny, I offer a 100% money-back guarantee and I reserve the right to call you names behind your back.


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2 comments:

Aaron Donley said...

Not only that, but I hear he's got a great personality,* a thick head of luxurious hair,* and a killer wayne newton sweat-rag collection!


Anonymous


*lies

Sher said...

Ladies and gentlemen, the PLBF guy himself..Aaron Donley.

Wayne Newton??? Now I am really envious. My dream is to be invited to Wayne's ranch for a BBQ and hear him say, "That's a gas".