You went from cute and adorable to plastic surgery gone wild. It was Angelina, wasn't it? She talked you into those duck lips, didn't she? Damn you Angelina.
Michael ~ Kathy Griffin's eBay houseguest:
You are a gigantic homosexual goober, Michael. You hurt my Kathy's feelings and even though I am thoroughly ashamed of myself for loving her awful, I so do. What kind of gay are you anyway, you ungrateful iPod hunting, garbanzo bean hatin', Burger King eatin', Kathy Griffin unappreciatin' houseguest? You are worse than a Jack Leg. You are a Jacques Leg...which of course is gay for Jack Leg. Somewhere over the rainbow, I will punch you in the nose.
You've taken a perfectly good Republican and made her doubt the faith. I'll never look at an elephant the same way again. Nice.
I needed you and you left me. How am I supposed to get used to Meredith sitting beside our Matt, Katie? Huh? Would you tell me that please? You are so selfish.
Person with whom the evil red-headed Berta Lou works:
How could you do that, you evil non-red-headed Jack Leg? I hope you awake someday soon with oozing and painful sores covering your bathing suit area. And I mean that in the most Christian way.
I figure if I get close enough to punch you in the nose, I am close enough to throw a net over you and keep you for my very own. I love you, Michael and not in a weird stalker kind of way either. (Umm, that's not really true. I totally love you in a weird stalker kind of way.)
I guess that's it for today, Kids. I'll have more people I want to punch in the nose at a time to be announced later.
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