Wednesday, June 14, 2006

You really have nothing better to do, huh?

Dear Sher,

Let's see. You love music, so my guess is a concert.

Dear No way that's way too easy,

No way. That's way too easy.

Dear Sher,

Voodoo and smoke on the water and big greek wedding. Are those really your real hints?

Dear Doubting Emailer,

That's Big Fat Greek Wedding and yes. They are really my real hints. As a matter of disclosure, my boobs are real, too. My Southern accent however is completely fake.

Dear Sher,

your friend is really lucky to have a friend like you.

Dear Don't you wish your best friend was nice like me,

True that, Baby. However, truth be told, I am not doing this to be a good friend. The evil red-headed Berta Lou knows way too much about me and so from time to time, it is in my best interest to bribe her to keep her mouth shut. (She didn't get the nickname "evil" for nuttin.)

Dear Sher,

Are you crossing state lines or leaving the country or anything?

Dear FBI,

Don't even be like that. There will be no weapons, no blindfolds and no restraints of any kind and Bert is OK with being napped. Save your excitement for next month when I abduct the crazy hot firefighter I've had my eye on for about 6 years. I'm guessing he may put up a struggle. (Kitten...Mommy knows you love him too but a Mother can only sacrifice so much.)

Dear Sher,

Your new secretary is hot.

Dear Deputy Pretty,

Even though this is a text message and not an email and has absolutely nothing to do with the Berta Lou game, I'm going to address it anyway. Be good to me, bring me flowers and chocolate and kiss up to me every chance you get or I'm going to fire her and hire someone from the nearby nursing home who will ride to work every day on her Little Rascal and keep a portable potty right beside her desk.
Ah who am I kidding? If she had all her teeth (or even just a nice set of dentures) you'd probably hit on her, too. (Like father like son.)

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