Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Intrepid? Isn't that a car?

Dear Sher,

I'm a "Mister Man" of 55 with OCD, and a Frenchmen from province of Qu├ębec, Canada
I have to write to you to tell you how you make me laugh.

Boy did I laugh especially the foreplay things, almost fell of my chair.

Tank's for your intelligent humor. I hope I'm not offending you by comparing your humor with Rita Rudner that I like very much.

Dear French Guy,

Tanks so much for your email! Almost no one tells me my foreplay things make them laugh, so I'm pretty psyched. (FYI: I plan on using that quote on my resume.) I also appreciate your appreciation of my intelligent humor. I am nothing if not intelligent and humorous. And finally, I am not at all offended by your comparison of me to Rita Rudner. Had you compared me to Dick Cheney, we might have had a problem. (Wow... I'm picking up this new Democrat thing really quickly. I'm all tingly. Tomorrow I plan on saying mean things about Ann Coulter. As a Canadian, you have no idea what I just said, eh? Take my word for it, French Guy. It's both intelligent and humorous.)
PS: Love your accent!

Dear Sher,
I am so sorry to hear about your lump. As if the whole thyroid thing wasn't enough of a downer. I totally empathize with your desire to keep your chick parts. When I went to see my OB/GYN about some female problems the first thing I told him was that I was not looking to have anything removed. Seems like these days the quick answer is always the H word. Stand strong, but that pesky gallbladder probably does have to go. Positve thoughts coming your way.

Dear Nice person I can't even find anything funny to say about,

Even though I have asked all my friends to send me good boobie vibes, you are the first one to actually do it in writing. I'm sorry about my lump, too and I tell my girls that every day. They've been through a lot and have held up nicely, if I do say so myself. I hate to reward them by having Surgeon cut on them. The H Word... sounds like a new show on Bravo.

Dear Sher,

RE: Virgin Sacrifice.

Volcanoes can be found in Washington. Next door to Bill Gates place. Virgins can be found in Spokane. Glad to help - you're welcome.

Dear Dog the Virgin Hunter,
Now I know why I've never been to Spokane.

Dear Sher,
A lump? Geez. I'm sorry.

Dear Beav,
Geez. You got something against lumpy boobies do you? Nice. Now I feel even worse.

Dear Sher,
Your hair is not blonde any more? Wow! When are you going to post a new picture?

Dear Anonymous Guy who wants a picture of me for undisclosed & potentially weird purposes,
I can't post a new picture as vampires can't be photographed. Yeah. Totally so not blonde.

Dear Sher,
Just wanted to pass along that I believe your ovaries and boobies are not only bodacious but are aweless, intrepid, unabashed ovaries and boobies.

Dear Big Word User whose references to my ovaries and boobies are a little frightening, but nevertheless much appreciated,
You had me at aweless.

Doesn't get any better than Mary J. Blige. I plan on being her in my next life. Listen and love it.

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Tidewaterbound said...


Hang in there. Kudos to you for taking the high road and hitting the salon. It's a chick thing, but it helps! Wishing you the best!


Sher said...

I'm not used to the high road. Is that where I am? No wonder I don't recognize the scenery.