Sunday, August 26, 2007

Better git yer shovel, Claude.

Sher to visiting Southern Daddy - - -“I remember when I was a teenager we girls once came home to find the contents of our messy bathroom drawers dumped out on the kitchen counter with a note that read ‘You are acting like pigs so you need a trough’.”

Daddy to Sher - - - “That did not happen.”

Daddy to Sher’s son - - - “Your Mother gets a little carried away.”

Sher to Step-Mother - - - “You know what I’m talking about. Tell him he did so do that.”

Step-Mother to Sher - - - “Yes, he did.”

Daddy to Step-Mother - - - “You’re getting carried away.”

Step-Mother to everyone for no good reason - - - “One time when I was a young girl, one of the neighbor men came running to the front yard where my Daddy was working. He said, “Better git yer shovel, Claude! Somebody’s done fell out of an airplane!”

Sher to Step-Mother - - - “Somebody fell out of an actual air plane?”

Step-Mother - - - “Yes sir. He thought he was going to the bathroom and opened the wrong door. He fell right in the church graveyard.”

Sher to Step-Mother - - - “You Madam, are telling an untruth.”

Daddy to Sher in defense of his wife, who by his own confession, gets carried away - - -
“Oh yes he did. I remember hearing tell of it.”

Step-Mother to family who had just eaten a glazed ham supper - - - “He sure did. Daddy said they was shoveling intestines for hours.”

Sher to toilet - - - “Ralph.”

Sher to Step-Mother - - - “You expect me to believe that some guy not only falls right out of an airplane while attempting to pee, but does so over the church graveyard? You further expect me to believe that in response to a guy splattering all over the place, your Father simply grabbed his shovel and at the request of a neighboring farmer, went to scooping up bits of guy?”

Step-Mother to Sher - - - “It’s the truth.”

Sher laughing hysterically, to all present - - - “I cannot wait to write about this. No one will ever believe we actually had this conversation at the dinner table.”

Daddy to Sher - - - “Don’t get too carried away.”




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5 comments:

Jami said...

I believe it! Every (and I mean EVERY) time my mother-in-law has dinner at our house, at some point in the conversation at the table, the subject of shit will somehow be discussed. It's gotten to the point that when we sit down, someone will say something like, "I took a really nice dump the other day" just to get the subject done with.

Catwoman said...

HYSTERICAL!

Nancy said...

Hard to top THAT dinner conversation.

Laughing hard here!

Sher said...

Jami,

Southern Baptists do not say the "s" word. However, talking about intestines splattered everywhere is perfectly OK...so long as you whisper it.

Cat,

Can you EVEN believe it????

Nancy,

I'm saying. Wow. Splat right over the cemetary.

Jaesoreal said...

Absolutely speechless!