I think I'm depressed. The kind of depressed that causes good women to wind up on the 6 o'clock news.
I start sentences I can't finish about things that make absolutely....
See what I mean? I have no idea where I was going with that. :-)
Maybe it's the recession or maybe it's the cold weather or maybe it's because I've been sick. All I know is that something's not right under my skin and I can't figure it out - which means I can't find a solution.
And I'm a solution kind of girl.
Tell me please, has there been a time in your life when you would wake up and wonder what the hell you're doing? Did you question yourself, your abilities, and even the reasons behind the things you do each and every day?
While my Mother-in-law was in the process of dying in those final days, I was exhausted in a way I can't explain. I felt like even the cells in my body were tired. My husband and I were running on almost no sleep and survived on handfuls of chips or bites of something we could eat quickly.
But even so, we both felt a sense of clarity and purpose unlike ever before and that has left us questioning everything in our lives since she died. He gets up five days a week and goes to a job where he is unhappy and I do the same. We meet at the end of the day, when I'm not traveling that is, kiss good night and prepare for our own version of Ground Hog Day.
"Get new jobs" might be the first thing you would suggest and in another place and time, maybe that would have been the answer. In our part of the world anyway, jobs of any kind - good or bad - are valuable real estate. You can't get your hands on them.
We continually hear, "Do what you love and the money will follow," but I'm not at all sure whoever coined that phrase had to worry about things like health care and big utility bills and the tremendous expense that is a growing teenage boy. Where is the intersection of fulfillment and practicality?
I want to know what you think - or you may see me at the top of that water tower I'm always threatening to climb. Film at 11.
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