"Dearest Sher," said the man in the white coat with the letters D & R in front of his name, "as you are about to begin cognitive behavior therapy for your OCD, I'm going to give you Zoloft in the hopes that it will make the misery that is therapy easier."
"Well then bring the shit on," said Me, "cause cognitive behavior therapy is gonna suck goat's balls and that's not fun for me."
At 45, I decided after watching too much Oprah and touching the burners on the stove one too many times, that I was going to put myself in CBT. If that TV doctor can cure OCD by making crazy people lick dirty stuff, them by gawd, I was gonna get me some of that mental wellness.
Although I have an aversion to meds of almost any kind, my level of crazy had reached such a point that I thought, "What the hell? If that pretty pill can make this misery any less, then I'm all about it."
Having now been on Zoloft for roughly 5 or 6 months, I have to confess that it's truly helped the OCD. I am able to do some things that would have been completely impossible a year ago and the cognitive behavior therapy is at least somewhat tolerable.
But today, I got the wake up call that only a woman can appreciate and it has convinced me that I'd rather suffer the CBT without aid of meds. Check it out y'all. Exhibit A...
My face is as big as Seattle and I have more chins than a Chinese phone book. (Yes I know that's an old joke but I'm distraught for godsake. Shut up.)
Of course I've realized my clothes are getting increasingly tighter and that the scale is becoming more and more my enemy. But somehow, I've managed to trick my weak brain into believing it was no big deal.
Really, Sher? Really? You thought this was NO BIG DEAL???
For godsake, look at my stomach! And who did I think I was fooling? Apparently myself. It seems I was actually fooling myself about my own ginormous face and ass.
So tomorrow we begin tapering off the magic Z before Z is the size pants I have to start buying. Yes - cognitive behavior therapy is gonna kick my ass ten different ways and I'm NOT going to like it. I think I like my ginormity a whole lot less though.
Wish me luck. And wish me thin.
Copyright © Sherri Bailey
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