Sunday, July 19, 2009

Ladies & Gentlemen of the Jury - I am a Fat Cow

Yes... I'm writing real words today rather than vlogging. If you're looking to take the easy road by watching rather than reading, just scroll down. But I have to tell you, I'm disappointed in your laziness.



"Dearest Sher," said the man in the white coat with the letters D & R in front of his name, "as you are about to begin cognitive behavior therapy for your OCD, I'm going to give you Zoloft in the hopes that it will make the misery that is therapy easier."

"Well then bring the shit on," said Me, "cause cognitive behavior therapy is gonna suck goat's balls and that's not fun for me."

At 45, I decided after watching too much Oprah and touching the burners on the stove one too many times, that I was going to put myself in CBT. If that TV doctor can cure OCD by making crazy people lick dirty stuff, them by gawd, I was gonna get me some of that mental wellness.

Although I have an aversion to meds of almost any kind, my level of crazy had reached such a point that I thought, "What the hell? If that pretty pill can make this misery any less, then I'm all about it."

Having now been on Zoloft for roughly 5 or 6 months, I have to confess that it's truly helped the OCD. I am able to do some things that would have been completely impossible a year ago and the cognitive behavior therapy is at least somewhat tolerable.

But today, I got the wake up call that only a woman can appreciate and it has convinced me that I'd rather suffer the CBT without aid of meds. Check it out y'all. Exhibit A...


My face is as big as Seattle and I have more chins than a Chinese phone book. (Yes I know that's an old joke but I'm distraught for godsake. Shut up.)

Of course I've realized my clothes are getting increasingly tighter and that the scale is becoming more and more my enemy. But somehow, I've managed to trick my weak brain into believing it was no big deal.

Really, Sher? Really? You thought this was NO BIG DEAL???

For godsake, look at my stomach! And who did I think I was fooling? Apparently myself. It seems I was actually fooling myself about my own ginormous face and ass.

Sweet Lord!



So tomorrow we begin tapering off the magic Z before Z is the size pants I have to start buying. Yes - cognitive behavior therapy is gonna kick my ass ten different ways and I'm NOT going to like it. I think I like my ginormity a whole lot less though.

Wish me luck. And wish me thin.




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9 comments:

Up2DaRack said...

So you're looking to lose a few pounds. Perhaps you can try the Oprah diet method. All you need to do is hire a full-time Nutritional Consultant, a full-time Chef, and a full-time Personal Trainer. Oh wait... Er, never mind.

I look at exhibit A and I see a proud and happy mama, and one bad-ass wannabe biker chick sans tats. You see something different I guess. Sher, you know I'm gonna wish you luck at anything you set out to do. What I really hope though, is that you kick some CBT ass and doing it Z-free would be all that much sweeter.

Rooting for you all the way...

Tidewaterbound said...

I think you will do wonderfully and you are NOT a fat cow!

writerchick47 said...

I'll send you photos of me and you'll feel a whole lot better about yourself. I quit smoking and my blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar went up. Then my thyroid stopped functioning damn near altogether. To add to this phethera of good health I'm experiencing since giving up cigarettes, I've gained 30 POUNDS!!! I was healthier when I was killing myself with cigarettes. So, look in the mirror again. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and I would trade bodies AND faces with you in a second.

TSG said...

Cara Mia,
Come on now, you know you look great. No better than that, super great, yea awesome.
Of course, you'd look even better on the back of my 1969 Gold Star (wearing real shoes naturally).
Where' you get that ride?

Once on my blog I posted a picture of me, complaining how old I was starting to look, and everyone agreed. That didn't work!
I think you said I looked mad, maybe old and mad. Don't remember. You have such a way with the words, kinda like Smythe.

Let's hear it now fans, Tell her she looks great!

Up2DaRack said...

Sher, I normally hate agreeing with anything TSG says just because he gets to call you Cara Mia on every comment - I'm jealous! Nonetheless, he's right - you look great! Super great! Awesome even! (Just maybe not on his Gold Star...)

Sher said...

Lookey here, baby dolls. Much as I love the sweet BS, Mama didn't write this to illicit compliments.

I love ya to bits and pieces, but I'm a toad. A cow. A hawg. That's how I feel and as you know, I write how I feel. Tomorrow I may feel like eating frosting. One never knows. :-)

Muah!

vintage at heart said...

you look beautiful to me but what u feel is what really counts....good luck.. i am a fat cow and am on lexapro...hmm and i thought it was all that junk i was eatin.....i guess i can be crazy and thin or fat and sassy...love your blog and i really Do think u are beautiful....

TSG said...

Cara Mia,
We know you didn't write it to illicit compliments. That's not what I meant.

Well you're gonna get 'em anyway!!

Do what you have to, so you will feel better about yourself.

Sher said...

Thank you Vintage. I choose crazy and thin.

TSG - What would I do without my stalker? You're precious.