Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Me and You and a Dog Named Morals

I'm writing words today instead of video taping words because the only way to describe how I look right now is 'putrid'. I've been sick for several days and while I'm taking a turn toward health, I still look and sound as though I couldn't even get hired as a meth whore.

In today's economy, meth whoring is even more a cut throat business than usual. There are standards.

Allow me to catch you up on what's new and important in my life. I'm working on an exciting, albeit somewhat stealthy, project with a couple people I'll call Rick & Sandi. Actually, I'll call one of them Rick Griffin and one of them Sandra McKenna. Those are totally made up names so don't bother trying to Google them. I'm in stealth mode and what not.

So Rick, Sandi and myself are meeting up in Tampa the weekend of the 17th to slap some brilliance on film. I know what you're thinking and no - it's not porn. That whole "OCD Chick Does Tampa" deal fell through. Something about me being in my forties. Stupid ageism among pornographers.

I'd love to tell you every single detail of what's up, but Rick threatened to beat me up. I know for sure he can't take me, but in my current diminished capacity, he might at least be able to put a hurtin' on me. I fear him at least enough not to spill the beans, but not quite enough to completely behave myself.

Besides, what fun is a Sher who does the right thing and makes good choices?

Therefore, hither to, and aforementioned - I will read your mind and respond to your questioning thoughts by giving you hints.

Does it have something to do with the possibility of TV?

It does in fact. Hopefully not the same channel that shows people shooting and tying up deer. Not that I'm judging or anything. What people do in camo in the privacy of their own bedroom is totally their choice.

Is Jon Gosselin in any way involved?

No. Not unless I somehow forget to clean off the remote in the hotel room with my Clorox Wipes and he was in the room before me. If that happens then the title of the show will likely be, "Jon & Sher Plus an Ass Load of Babies That She Swears She Conceived Just By Watching Channel 27."

Will you incorporate your love of getting married somehow?

Yes. Just as in my real life I try to incorporate that into everything I do, so goes this project. I will chase men, catch men, hog tie men, marry men, and divorce men. I have been very clear with Rick & Sandi that I'm not giving up my hobbies for the sake of work.

I am the owner of a large multinational corporation and I have giant vats of money lying around that I'd like to give you just for some awesome product placement in your super secret venture. How might I do such a thing?

Awesome question. The awesomest of them all actually. You'll contact me and I will put you in contact with Sandi. She is the go to girl for the thongs of people who want to throw money at us. Did I say thongs? I meant thongs. I will wear your company T-shirt, drink your Kool-Aid, ride in your car, wear your branded tap shoes and sing the praises of your fire baton fuel. Truly. The only thing I won't do is sleep with you for money, cause that would make me a prostitute. I have my morals.

But, on the other hand, if you're offering free travel miles, send me a proposal. I said I have morals - not that I'm a friggin' saint.

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Tidewaterbound said...

I SO get first dibs to view this incredible venture...so don't you forget me.

I am thrilled for you, but right now ya gotta get better so you can GO!

Sher said...

I'm trying Honey. Believe me. I'm totally trying.

Up2DaRack said...

The city of Tampa may never be the same after you and your cohorts swoop into town. I'll call the Mayor and ask him to give you all key to the city. Well, depending on how well you all behave that is, because he might change the locks after you've left!

Hoo boy, I'm gonna need to assemble the groupies and get crackin' at that M&M peeling thing. I see Tide beat me to the first comment...