You shaved the dog's @@s with Mr. Man's trimmer? ROFL! You go girl!
Dear Frustrated Cheerleader,
Thank you for your enthusiasm. I also let the new dog throw up in a bath towel. What kind of cheer you got for that?
You totally can't end a sentence in a preposition:
"Something they found on the ground and blew the dirt off of."
Dear Preposition Police,
I would like to thank you for taking the time to correct me. Know what else I'd like to thank you for? Being two weeks late back in August, 1984...in Ft. Knox, Kentucky where it was so friggin' hot & humid I wanted to die. Oh, and for having such a huge head when you ripped your way out of my womb. You're welcome.
I think you're hilarious. Are you going to publish this in your blog? If you do just don't use my real name.
Dear Mary Beth Buchanon from 112 82nd Terrace, St. Petersburg Florida,
Thanks. Yes. You did not submit the proper don't use my real name paperwork and nominal fee, so bite me.
I read things all day that say, "helped them guys weld cause they was needin help." By the end of the day all I want is a Keg of Jack and a funnel.
Dear Person I know personally who just unknowingly gave me a brilliant business idea,
Let's create a kit with a keg of Jack and a funnel in it. We'll market it to women who work in a job where they are not appreciated so that her family doesn't have to eat store brand hot dogs and day old buns everyday, who take care of a house and kids and dogs and at least one husband and who do it all while looking pretty damn good. We'll sell it right next to the Midol aisle and call it, "Wipe the Crazy Off Your Face". We'll be bo-jillionaires.
Just read Your column in the "Parrot" and truly enjoyed it!
You are a superb writer! Keep it up!
Dear Twisted Parrot reader,
Lemme guess. You're a Viagra salesman, right?
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