Wal-Mart is the Devil.

Rather than counting days now, its only a matter of hours until I am officially one year older. Stupid hours.

I was in Wal-Mart a couple days ago, minding my own business, acting all un-forty-three and everything and totally buying things that a real old lady would never buy. There were no Depends in my cart, no Polident and not one single prune in any shape or form.

I wasn't dressed like an old lady, either. I wasn't wearing an "outfit" with cats or butterflies or cats playing with butterflies on it. No way my shorts and t-shirt were ever for sale on the Home Shopping Network.

I wasn't even carrying a purse. No big old zipper thing with ten outside pockets (all of them full of disposable rain bonnets and handi-wipes) was hanging on my arm. In fact the only thing I did have in my hands was my wallet and my phone. Everybody knows old ladies do not carry Razrs. (Unless they happen to have a Bic in their giant purse on the off chance they run into Monte Hall and he wants to make a deal.)

Crap. A little old lady reference just slipped out.

So anyway, armed with all that info could someone please, for the love of God, tell me why a 100 year old man winked at me in the checkout line, walked around my cart to stand within kissing distance of me and struck up a conversation with this opening line, "You probably weren't around during WWII, but when I was over there, we used to buy Coke syrup and put it in water. It was the closest thing to Coke we could get and even though it tasted awful, we'd drink it. You remember Coke syrup?"

You'll pardon my French when I say WHAT THE HELL???

Probably! I PROBABLY wasn't around in WWII? When did I go from "you definitely weren't around during the last World War", to "you look like there is a chance that maybe your sugar was once rationed".

Am I putting off some invisible vibe or high-pitched sound that attracts men who wear cologne that comes in a brown bottle shaped like an old car? Surely I must be sliding downhill if somebody's great-grandfather thinks I'm Florence Henderson hot.

Ugh.

It could be worse I guess. I could have been so thankful that a man (who isn't forced to do so by law and threat of having to spend at least three hours talking about our relationship) was flirting with me, that I tilted my head, batted my eyes and giggled.

Yeah I did. I so did.

~*~*~*
It's hard to know when its OK to laugh again, isn't it? Life goes on, as they say, but differently to be sure. My thoughts, heart and sincerest sympathy remains with the family, friends and survivors of the Va. Tech tragedy.

kd lang: Hallelujah. Perfection.






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