Thursday, May 24, 2007

I'm so happy I just threw up a rainbow.

I've been in a demented cry baby/serial killer mood lately. One minute I feel as if I could blow snot bubbles and the next I'm whispering thinly veiled threats in my dog's ear if he doesn't agree to stop chewing with his mouth open.

I've decided that if I am to ever crawl off this pitty pot I have settled upon, I must force myself to think/say/write only happy things so that I might put out good vibes into the universe and get only happy things back.

You know. Stuff like butterflies and fairies and fresh babies and all that crap.

(Fresh babies are highly superior to stale ones. Nothing worse than a stale baby.)

Toward that end, here are the top five things that have actually made me happy today, so listen up universe and prepare to start sending me the good stuff you keep in the back.

1. The Big Dog had a great birthday and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. He went to his Dad's a little bit ago for even more birthday hullabaloo which means I get to lie in bed at 7PM and write. I like lying in bed at 7PM.

2. Saying hullabaloo feels pretty fantabulous. It sounds like something Sammy Davis Jr. was trying to prevent when he and Peter Lawford were burying a prostitute The Chairman accidentally offed after a night of good natured drunken rabble-rousing.

3. Pictures of monkeys doing things that no one has ever seen them do in the wild fills me with joy. Let's face it. Monkeys who dwell in the jungle almost never wear pants and juggle.

(Photo courtesy of my stalker, Toad Suck Guy.)

4. Things that are shiny make me crazy happy. I can sit and stare at Mr. Man's head for hours.

5. Knowing a birthday cake is chillin' in my refrigerator truly causes delight to bust out all over my face. I hate cake, but God only invented the actual cakey part so chicks like me wouldn't have to feel bad about themselves for having to eat frosting right out of the can. Under the kitchen table. While softly sobbing.

Here's something else that puts fairy wings in my tummy. Drunk Stewie is the best.

Copyright © 2004-2007, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.

Tell me you love me at:

Tell me you hate me at: Yeah. I'm so sure I'm going to make that easy for you.

Blogroll Me!

Add to My Yahoo!


Anonymous said...

Once we raise the million, I'll send the cash, the monkey and the red shoes. Just like you wanted.
I think the monkey is getting fond of the shoes though. Hope you can get get her to give 'em up.

The Drive-by Blogger said...

Well, I tell you what makes me happy...a single post that mentions monkeys, stale babies and a dead prostitute.

Who could ask for anything more?

Sher said...

How you gonna let a monkey wear my shoes? Not cool.

Drive By,
I feel I let you down however because I failed to mention Alberto Gonzalez.

Jami said...

Alberto Gonzales living in a cardboard box and pushing a shopping cart would make me ecstatic. So would new red shoes, though - take your choice.

Catwoman said...

Frosting is also very enjoyable in the tub.

Or licked off of Paul Walker's yummy abs.

LarryLilly said...

In my dating years during college, I found out the hard way that you dont use whipped cream on a woman that uses Delfin spermicidal foam as a birth control measure. They dont taste ANYTHING alike.



is that monkey for sale?

Anonymous said...

Long day today Sher. Just enough energy left to stalk you. OK, you will get your very own new red shoes. You know I wouldn't let a monkey wear your shoes.

I'm going to LR tomorrow for my date. If the weather is good she would like for me to ride my scooter.

Any pearls of wisdom?

Tidewaterbound said...

Hope it gets better.

Happy? Let's see, a clean house, and some quiet...but that's too much to ask for. I came home again to the 'bicker-twins.'


Sher said...

Poor Alberto.

Wouldn't the cake get wet?

This is me ignoring what you just said. And no, nobody's getting my monkey.

At least you have your priorities straight. Job number one is stalking me.... real life isn't even a close second. Good luck with PJ. Remember my what not to do rules and you'll be fine. Act like you're interested in everything she says and don't mention you have a friend named Cooter.

Hey Tide!
Hope everything is all good at your house.

Anonymous said...

I feel so mischievous. I am stalking you using PJ's computer under the guise of checking my email (which I did). So no lying. Things seem to be going pretty well. There will be no report until Monday, as I've been invited to stay tomorrow too. BTW I find I am actually interested in what she is saying. Is that unmanly?

Sher said...

Today you have become a man.

Using your date's computer to check my blog and send me a message is entirely inappropriate and sneaky, not to mention a tiny bit scary and weird.

I like that about you.

brent said...

Can't comment right now, too busy chanting "hullabaloo."