Thursday, July 12, 2007

You asked. I answered. When do I get to ask?

Dear Sher,

I read your blog every day and I love it. You’re so funny and I think you should have a book.

Dear person who thinks I’m funny so I like you,

As I’ve said many, many times before, I have lots of books. Sadly I didn’t write any of them.

Dear Sher,

I'd like to suggest an idea for a blog that is based in part around a song I co-wrote with Billy Livesay, who performs it. I think its lyrics will provide you with material for humorous pop culture commentary.It's called "Pop Star” and is about a person who sees signs that the end of the world is near and just wants to be a pop star before it all comes crashing down.

Billy has had numerous songs featured on network primetime television and also played lead guitar and shared vocal duties in the Clarence Clemons Band. Clarence of course was the great saxophone player in Bruce Springsteen's E Street Band. You can hear "Pop Star" for free by going to the direct link of .

Dear guy who writes songs for people who sing them,

Number 1- Humorous pop culture commentary is hard. I write the easy stuff known as barely funny to even the drunkest of drunken people.

Number 2 – The fact that you know someone who knows someone who knows The Boss makes me want to marry you. Since I consider any words from a man strung together in a sentence a legal and binding marriage proposal, please make sure Bruce is invited to our wedding. (Which is coincidentally the same time I will leave you to become Mrs. Springsteen.)

Number 3 – I actually LOVE the song and strongly encourage the three people who read my columns to go and listen to it right away. Any time someone uses the word sycophant in a song…and can make it sound good…I’m an automatic fan.

Dear Sher,

I have OCD too and I like it when you laugh at yourself for it. My favorite OCD persona on TV was the one on Scrubs played by Michael J. Fox. Have you seen it? I do wish you wrote more about how it really feels to have it sometimes.

Dear Obsessive-Compulsive Sistuh,

Dr. Kevin Casey. Dr. Kevin Casey. Dr. Kevin Casey. It’s my favorite, too! Just saw a rerun the other night in fact. I think it gives a nice balance to the funny and the terrible and a pretty accurate look at the disorder.

I appreciate that you would like me to talk more about it, but that part is very hard for me. It’s easier to make myself the joke before someone else gets to make me the joke. Besides, if I were to actually tell it like it is my readers would run for the hills.

A little advice from me to you: only spill the whole of your reality to those closest to you. I have only one person who gets as close to the crazy as you can without having it rub off and even he doesn’t get the whole enchilada.

Dear Sher,

I can't. I'm sorry. Soon though.

Dear Code Talker,

I can, so I will, and you'll be even sorrier when I enjoy it and you have to hear about it. Which you will. In detail. With flourish even. And pictures. Lots of pictures. Some that I colored. Not with that little cheap box of welfare crayons that aren't really Crayola's either, but colored with the big box of crayons that have a sharpener in the back. I'll probably even use the gold and silver ones. That's how awesome it's gonna be.

Copyright © 2004-2007, Sherri Bailey
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Anonymous said...

Having 4 sisters I grew up doing a lot of coloring, (plus numerous other indignities that shall remain unnamed) and as far as I can tell, no permanent damage was done. Once I am at the top of the PH list In the glove-box of your new FDW truck will be two (his & hers boxes) of the giant 120 color box of genuine Crayola crayons plus a separate sharpener. We will color together blissfully until you hate my guts.

Sher said...

Aw. What a lovely sentiment. I look forward to hating your guts.

Nancy said...

I am sure I could swap OCD stories with you and neither of us would run for the hills but probably celebrate in finding someone who "gets it"

Jami said...

Whatcha wanna know? I know damn near everything - even the definition of "modest".

Sher said...

It's a hard thing to have because damn near no one "gets it".

Are you sure you know the definition of modest, Jami? ;-) BTW... go check out that song. I have it stuck in my head already. OCD people are the music industry's best friend.

Jami said...

Yes, I do, in fact, know the meaning of "modest". I'm not it but I know it. And I would have thought that the music industry would hate OCD folks because they don't have to buy a copy of a song because they've always got their own personal copy stuck in their head.

Jami said...

And I LOVE the song, BTW! (I commented twice because I love your word verification so much.)

Sher said...


You complete me.

I know about the song, right? Would you grab it and put it on your blog as well? I think I'll email the link to the song to everyone I know. They need some good old-fashioned viral power behind the song.

Jami said...

OK. Done. Because you're so damned persuasive.

Jami said...

(OK, it's a week after the comment above.) True story: Yesterday, I took the kids to the roller skating rink for a birthday party for one of their friends. As we walked in, guess what song they were playing? Billy's "Pop Star"! And they played it once more before we left 3 hours later. How cool is that? Very!

Sher said...

Shut up! That's awesome.

Jaesoreal said...

If it ain't a crayola, it doesn't deserve to touch paper! (it may still be eaten though!)