Monday, April 28, 2008

Dear Sher,

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle.

Dear Forward Person,

Stop that. I mean it. The word "forward" was not meant for you. It was never meant for you. Unless you and Bill Gates have figured out how to forward a 6'2" firefighter in an email, I can promise you I don't want it in my inbox. Really. I mean it. Don't make me come over there.

Dear Sher,

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!

Dear Confused,

You do realize you sent that to me, right?

Dear Sher,

I just wanted to send some Happy Birthday wishes your way today. I hope your special day is the best one ever.

Thanks so much for all the laughter you share with others. You really are a special person.

Have a wonderful day and God bless.

Dear Nice Lady,

Now, when you say special, you don't mean "special" as in "Sher is special, so we keep her locked in the attic", do you?

Dear Sher,

Well Happy Birthday Ms. Crazy. I'm damn glad you made it this far and am lookin' forward to the future rantings and observations.

Dear Damn Guy,

I'm glad you're damn glad. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm damn glad. By the way, you're only looking forward to my future rantings because you don't actually live with me. Mr. Man not only DOES NOT look forward to them, I have reason to suspect he often secretly medicates me by grinding industrial strength Midol over my Wheaties.

Dear Sher,

So. What did you get for your birthday?

Dear Email Stranger,

Let me tell you instead what I didn't get. I did not get a monkey. Not even a little one. Even though I've asked for one every year since I was three. A couple rogue monkeys in a zoo throw their poop and one or two make the news because they bit off the thumbs of a few random people and it ruins monkey ownership for everyone.

Remember, kids. The OCD Chick no longer posts new columns to this blog. (But I still post "Dear Sher" emails here.) To get the good stuff, you have to sign up to get them delivered piping hot to your inbox. And yes...I might sell and/or rent your email address, home phone number and weight to pretty much anybody who tells me I'm pretty. It's worth the risk, though.

Copyright © 2004-2007, Sherri Bailey
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