Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Nut Worthy?

Mr. Man said to me earlier that he would give his left nut for a German chocolate cake. Made with real Germans of course, just like Momma used to make.

This statement got me thinking - why are men always bargaining for things with their left nut? Maybe I should qualify that statement by asking why are classy men like my beloved husband always referencing their left nut?

I decided to investigate.

"What is the deal with your left nut?" Of course it is for my deep and probing questions that I am widely known as a world class investigator.

What followed was a glorious explanation of the true value of a man's left testicle such as the world has never heard.

"You see my Dear, when a man comments that he would exchange his left nut for something, it means that thing must surely have tremendous and intrinsic value. For to give up the left nut is to give up something of oneself that is far and above any other sacrifice."

My husband or Julius Caesar? You decide.

"Thank you for the eloquent soliloquy about your testicle," I said. "However, I have personally heard you make the statement that you would give your left nut for the Three Stooges on VHS."

Which begged the question, what exactly is nut worthy?

According to him, Tina Fey is left nut worthy. So is a cold beer on a hot day, no interruptions during a football game, and the ability to be naked in the living room on a Saturday afternoon. If all three could be achieved at once, he would lop his manly lefty off himself with a dull butter knife.

In closing, let me just say this: FREE TO GOOD HOME : all my living room furniture. (I went to the grocery store last weekend.)

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Flutterby said...

I just always wonder what's so great about the left one. Are right nuts somehow inferior to the left?

Sher said...

Yes Flutter. I believe it is.

Cher said...

That last line really got me!

The Texas Woman

Sher said...

Cher - I'll mail you my sofa.

AnnieOfBlueGables said...

NOBODY wants that sofa now! Was Tina there too? YIKES!
ps I should have never wandered into this blog while I still had this lingering cough (from my bout with bronchitis). I nearly choked to death laughing which turned into a coughing fit that wouldn't stop.
::deeeeeep breath::

Sher said...

Annie - On top of everything else, I'm a healer.

Jami said...

Maybe the left hangs down a little further and is therefore easier to remove?

And just because I thought of it when I read your comment above: Did you know that a Bluetick Heeler is not only a breed of dog but also someone who is qualified to give CPR to bugs? (>rimshot<)

Anonymous said...

Since you know that every day I work around men (and women) that are armed with a wide variety of sharp instruments, like axes, sling blades, pikes & peaveys, not the least of which would be a 60 inch bar chainsaw, I would never make that comment in regard to any part of my anatomy, let alone one that I am very fond of. I have the one sister (you know the one)that I am certain, even though she hates cooking, would bake me the finest German Chocolate cake you have ever seen given that trade

TSG your fav stalker

Sher said...

Jami - Bluetick Heeler - LOL.

TSG - What up stalker? You're right to keep your manlies to yourself. I think your sister would surely lop it right off.

Jami said...

I just had another thought about this - because we know sometimes the big chunks will float to the top again - wondering if right-handed guys say "left nut" and left-handed guys say "right nut".

Sher said...

Jami - Hmmm. Perhaps we can get some stimulus money to do a study.

Jami said...

Wait - I'm confused. We have to stimulate them, too? Or are we supposed to get stimulated by doing the study?