Monday, April 06, 2009

I don't care what you heard.

Dearest Reader(s),

Yes. I know that I have not posted the remainder of the interviews promised to you. Yes. I know that the only thing that gets you from one moment to the next there in your prison cell is the hope that I have posted a new read for you.
Yes. I know the square root of some stuff. (But I'm not telling you cause you'd get all uppity and nobody likes an uppity reader.)

I have a very good reason for not having finished quite yet. Very good. Probably the best reason you've ever heard.

But I'm not telling you as we have established you have a tendency to let knowledge go to your head. You should work on that.

I tell you what I've NOT been doing with my time. I have certainly not been spending all of it on That's for damn sure. I don't blip songs both day and night just because I can. I don't blip all day while I'm working so that I have fresh music to listen to as I do what it is I do. And I most certainly would never miss the morning news, my son's birthday party or an appointment with the local neighborhood gynecologist because I can't stop blippin.

Especially since I know he specializes in women who blip. (And the gynos who love them.)

It is a vicious internet lie that I would rather blip than eat and if you believe it when you hear I've had a device created for me that will allow me to blip with no hands, you should know that's just gossip pure and simple. There is no device. I had to hire a tiny man to do it for me.

His musical tastes differ from mine somewhat, but he'll blip non-stop without payment so long as I let him wear my heels once in awhile without judgment.

My room is now and has always been a safe environment for tiny men.

If you wanna know what blippin is, you must get at once to and do the math yourself. (Hint: the answer is the square root of the sum of a fast moving train leaving Montreal at the same time as I was leaving one of the ex-husbands plus the cost of beans in a non-bean producing country times seven.)

Sure I'll follow you when you sign up if you post your link in the comments, but don't get all weird like we're engaged or something. I follow approximately 9000 people and you will likely get lost among the masses.

Unless that is, your icon picture just happens to be a monkey. Or Michael Buble. Or an I Heart Sher sticker. Was that a hint for my stalker? I sorta think it was.

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Anonymous said...

All you have to do is ask, my dear.

You know all I do is sit around all day waiting to see in what way I might serve you!


Sher said...

See that? Boys pay attention because THAT is how you properly stalk a woman.

Anonymous said...


Good grief, Smythe has really weirded out. You better stay away from him!

He's wanting cute chicks to write to him. That last post should work wonders!


Flutterby said...

I was expecting an Obama reference the entire time I was reading that. I bought two cake mixes today. Just in case.