I'm feeling a tad angry today. Maybe its a mid-life crisis or maybe its too few before breakfast cocktails. Who really knows what causes a good woman to go bad. All I know is I have an unbelievable desire to put on black leather, get a skull tattoo and be mean to someone.
To satisfy at least one of those urges, I'll just do this instead.
It's me! Please open up!
Dear Person who gets the OCD Chick award for weirdest subject line ever,
Happy Birthday, Baby. You're funny, funny, funny and pretty, pretty, pretty.
Dear Birthday wisher,
I'll let the Baby go this time 'cause you said I'm pretty. But, I much prefer Sweetheart. Don't you read this blog at all?
I want to make an honest woman out of you. I think it about time that we formalize our relationship of mutual admiration with an exchange of links. Of course if you're already in a relationship, I understand.
Dear Guy who is funnier than me so I hate him,
I've never wanted anything more in my life than to exchange links with someone like you. Please be aware that this ain't my first time at the rodeo though, so I demand we practice safe linking. I have no idea who else you've linked to after all.
(Readers, visit www.ominouscomma.com right now, but then you turn around and come right back here. Don't be sucked in by his fancy words and use of correct punctuation.)
As designated virtual stalker, I wanted to get you a nice virtual gift on your birthday.
Do you think it is a little ostentatious?
I hope your Husband hasn't already gotten you one of these. Enjoy! .........TSG
Dear Official WTCOMF stalker,
Don't kid yourself, Darlin'. Using the word "ostentatious" in an email to me is birthday present enough. (Guess what, kids? Toad Suck Guy has a blog now. Go there and demand he blog about his adoration of me frequently.)
Hey, I love your blog. I wanted to tell you that Deputy Pretty guy sounds interesting. I wish I had one of those. Where can a girl get her own?
Dear Chick trying to steal my pretty Deputy,
Ummm, sorry. He's a one of a kind, first edition and trust me when I tell you there are no copies. But if boys with badges pop your pistol, maybe you should consider dressing up and breaking the law. I find it grabs their attention.
I know you guys have likely seen this viral video, but sweet lord... if you haven't you will pee your pants. Watch it now.
Copyright © 2004-2007, Sherri Bailey
This blog may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written permission of the author.
Tell me you love me at: HumorWriter@gmail.com
Tell me you hate me at: Yeah. I'm so sure I'm going to make that easy for you.