Dear Sher

I have an etiquette question.

This weekend my fiancee surprised me with tickets for us to see Michael Buble (!!) on April 29th. My fiancee is extremely sweet but I think he doesn't realize how much he overestimated his position here.

Is it considered bad etiquette to capture Michael at the concert, dump fiancee (only after the Buble capture is deemed successful, no reason to burn bridges you don't need to) and take Michael home with me to live forever and ever?

If it's not considered bad etiquette, would you be willing to share your recipe for Buble chow so I can take some along to assist with the luring away part of the plan?

Either way, your advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

kjax


Dear Stupid, Awful, Loathsome Woman Upon Whom I Have Placed a Dastardly Curse,

How lovely of you to write. I'd be ever so happy to answer your questions with regard to My Michael and the kidnapping of him.

First of all, your fiancee thinks you look at My Michael the way he looks at a stripper. Incredibly exciting, but nobody you have a chance to actually go home with. Therefore, his motives in getting you the tickets are purely selfish as he thinks in the absence of an actual Michael encounter, he's gonna get some by default.

Second, I have a special Super Secret code created by a Russian scientist during the Cold War attached to my Gmail account. It allows me to track potential Buble-nappers so that I might hunt them down and do truly illegal and pretty painful things to them. In much the same way the Federal Goverment is hiding in my driveway right now because I just used the words Russian scientist and Gmail in the same sentence, I'll be watching you.

Wherever you see a bush moving, that'll be me. Whenever you feel like someone is right behind you, that'll be me. Unless you're in the bathroom, then I'll be waiting outside like in a chair or something. I'm not following you in there. That's just weird.

(Although I no longer post new columns to this blog, I thought it would be fun to post your Dear Sher questions and emails here from time to time. If you haven't subscribed to get new columns in your inbox, feel free to do that any time and if you have questions or comments, fire away!)

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