Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Match.com - The Flordia Beach Edition

You know the drill. I check my Match.com account and I tell you what's out there. Everything in quotes is straight up EXACTLY what these guys say either in their profiles or in a message to me. I give them pretend names here because I don't want them to find me and stab me - or date me.

Here we go, kids. In their own words....

Meet Mr. Let's Head for Haiwi:

I am honest, loving caring hardworking and loves to have fun .I enjoy being outside, from gardening to 4-wheeling and loves football. Have never been to Haiwi but would love to go with someone special.  Ilike the color gold. I live life to the fullest and get every minuet out of every day.

Meet Mr. Cuddle Pants Who Enjoys Getting Off:

I enjoy cuddling up around a bonfire by the river, or any kind of water. It's also nice to cuddle up on the couch. I WORK ABOUT 40 TO 50 HOURS A WEEK DURING THE DAY. I ENJOY IT WHEN I GET OFF AND CAN RELAX. Well, can't think of much else, if you like my profile I'll try to send you a picture. 

Meet Mr. I Desire a Burly Woman Who Will Work For Me For Free:

I am a farmer so I would also like a girl that is willing to learn the fun things that go with farming. I live on a farm so I like to work cows and put up hay.  I have always wanted to travel up north. But I wouldn't mind going southeast to Flordia for the Beach. When it is I like to check cows or just sit at home and relax. I usually shop at a farm supply store

PS Dear Readers: I no longer cling to the belief that any single man in his 30s or 40s can spell, or has even the slightest idea about how to entice a woman to want to date him. Mark the calendar - this is the day hope died. 


Jami said...

Did you know that the ad at the bottom of this page is for "MatureSingles.com"? Oh, yes.

Ryan said...

Avoid people that can't spell in their 30s and 40s. Get someone in their 20s that can't spell. Then it is considered "1337 speak".

Teresa said...

Hysterical as always! Don't think I could dip my toe back in that pool, but you go girl!

Sher said...

Jami - Of course. That seems just about the final nail in my coffin.

Ryan - Bwahahaha.

Teresa - It's the kind of pool that makes me feel all sticky and weird when I get out.