Match.com - The "Is He Too Young for Me?" Edition

So you know by now how much yummy goodness I'm finding oozing from under the Match.com rug. Every day when I log in, I am greeted by the "sleazapalooza" on patrol and I'm forced to LOL - which is sometimes what I do to prevent the COL. (Crying Out Loud. Der.)

People are sending me emails about my Match.com posts asking, "Really?" to which I answer, "Totally really." I'm NOT making this stuff up, kids. Not even a little bit. I simply take tidbits from these gentlemen and via the power and magic that is cut & paste, allow them to write for me. My words are in parenthesis... which coincidentally is a word most of the guys on Match.com cannot spell. 

Mommas hide your daughters, because here they come again. In their own words...

Mr. Danger on the Road:

"I love holding hands, especially while driving. I love kissing, also while driving. Except for the occasional Mudslide, I'm not much of a drinker."

(If you ever see me on a date with a man drinking a Mudslide, please dial 9-1-1 as I am being held hostage by a very feminine, gun-wielding, man.)

Mr. I'm a 'Methadist':

"I'm a easy going, level headed kinda guy. I even help with house work if need to. It don't bother me. No games. I am a hopeless romantic whom pays attention to detail."

(Do you, Darlin'? Do you really?)

Mr. Punctuation is for Pussies:

"love to hunt fish bowl camp and being romantic love the water like to take walks and bike rides love animals love to cuddle by a fire place or watching tv or bedroomlooking for someone i can go on ect iam looking for someone to share there things with me as i will share my things with them"

(I do not share well, or I'd be all over this guy. He is a self-described knight in shinning armer. That's how I likes it, y'all.)

Mr. Wiping the Crazy Off My Face?:

"New York Times and News Week are always on the coffee table. I enjoy classic American and English literature." (He reads! Sweet Lord above, he reads!) "I wanted to write and say hi. My name is ****, I recently moved to *** and hope to make some friends. You have a wonderful smile, hope that isn't too forward to say." 

(Forward? Baby, as far as I'm concerned, you just proposed. I will admit to kind of liking this one. He's cute as a buttered biscuit, and he said I have a nice smile. My hang up is that he's younger than me. I don't want to be doing the baby-spoon-on-the-chin thing when we're at Chuck E. Cheese.)

I drive on, y'all. Pray to your Match.com gods... or to Tom Cruise. Whichever deity you think'll get me a handsome, smart, funny, clever, boyfriend will work.